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The pathology results won’t come back until Monday or Tuesday next week, but the interim ones are pretty much definite anyway and the specialist is convinced.

Fletcher has a nasal tumour.

It’s cancerous.

And it has microscopic “arms” which stretch out into any number of extra areas other than the site of the tumour above his soft palate.

Even if I had the money for the surgery and the radiation, it would be pointless since it wouldn’t remove it all and it wouldn’t fix anything.

So there’s no other option but to put Fletcher to sleep before the cancer eats away at him, and causes seizures, and facial deformity, and bleeding, and way more pain that I ever want to see him put through.

And the part which is up to him is when that happens.

He’s still bubbly, and happy tail wagging, and wandering about despite the fact that he can’t see a thing and his right eye’s actually been more or less stitched shut to try and protect it a bit, and he just about tacklehugged me when I got home from work before, and is still intent on destroying Charlie’s treasured squeaky turtle. So until that stops, and he looks like he’s ready to go, we’ll just keep doing what we’re doing.

It’s moving really, really fast, though- he’s gone from being relatively fine to a mess that can’t see or barely breath in just two weeks, so I imagine it won’t be a whole lot longer.

Charlie and I have a trial tomorrow.

Double strategic pairs one.

With the loopy great dane.

Fletcher wasn’t going to come along, but now I know what the actual problem is I think I’ll take him too. He gets really depressed when I’m not around, and no one can really watch him properly at home while I’m out.

I’m trying out Charlie’s “touch” to see if it’ll work in comps as well as it does in training, and keeping my fingers crossed for the final two Qs we need to get Charlie’s SPD title- which would mean we’d be in excellent strategic pairs and able to buddy up with Tarki again.

And we’re running for Fletcher, ‘cause I know he would have loved to one day but he isn’t going to get the chance now. So whether or not we come home with two Qs, or one Q or absolutely nothing, it doesn’t matter.

‘Cause we’re running for my little pirate, and that means way, way more than any qualie card or title.