So

While it hasn't been that long between blog posts, it has been a fairly big stretch of time since my last non-lazy post where I do more than just embed a video and leave it at that.

So.

What's been happening since I last rambled on here.

Considering I can't even remember what my last post was about nor when it was published...

Wow. Okay. So twenty fourth of September and puppy bumps.

We've been to the beach a couple of times. I took photos- some of which sucked and some which, personally, I think are pretty epic. I'd upload a few here, but Blogger hates me and likes to throw my photos up to the top of my post and make me try really hard to move them where I wanted them to actually be and then fucks up my formatting and makes me start all over again.

So I might leave that. And that's also the reason I very rarely picture-fy this blog. 'Cause it fucks with my formatting. And that makes Em angry.

Mhmm.

My laptop died, along with my last shred of patience regarding Vista- and everything Microsoft, actually. It's now been banished in shame to my cupboard until I have the spare cash to get it fixed one day- by which stage it'll probably be the only Vista program laptop that hasn't been smashed 'cause they're so fucking awful and dodgy- and I'm forever converted to Apple. Perty Macbook that doesn't sound like it's going to eat me every time I turn it on or overheat because I ask it to open two tabs at the same time.

Only complaint with my Mac is the auto correct. I'm paranoid about rechecking everything fifty times before I send it now because I've had some unfortunate experiences with my dad's old iPhone and certain words it kept telling me were wrong- when they weren't- and just assuming I'd made a mistake and wanted to have them changed. No. Bad, over thinking, overeager Apple. Behave.

Speaking of over thinking, overeager and behaving (go the segue), Charlie. That dog... Urgh. I'mma need some of that Shane Warne endorsed hair laser technology if he keeps going the way he's going. We have months and months of beautiful progress and just when I finally let myself think, "Holy hell, oh my God, I can actually train and run my dog"... he goes and does what he did at our last trial.

I don't care that we DQ or NQ. Really, I don't. It's the fact that every time he does this it feels like I've just wasted however many weeks or months I've spent working with him; it feels like I shouldn't be training or running him because clearly I don't know what I'm doing; it makes me question whether he really wants to trial because he's always so fucking amazing at training. And the bottom line? It's just not fun running him when he gets like he did at Logan. It doesn't feel anywhere near like I'm running my dog; it feels like we just happen to be in the ring at the same time and we're locked in this fight to get the other to do what we'd like them to do.

Which is why I want to tear my hair out.

I don't know if I need to train more. Train less. Trial more. Trial less. Not bother trialling at all. Do a year of NFC runs with ADAA exclusively. Keep going exactly how we're going now and just keep my fingers crossed that the runs that feel so wonderful pop up every now and then.

If I could figure out what triggers the psycho mode to kick in, I think I'd be that much closer to finding a solution- both temporarily and as something to help work towards a more consistent future. But for the life of me I can't because it seems so random and there hasn't been any one single factor at every crazy run that I can see. I thought it was me holding his collar at one stage, so I ditched the collar in favour for a slip lead. Seemed to work- but then it didn't seem to be the real issue after all. I managed the start line breaks by treating them like an obedience stay, but even that doesn't seem to be getting the same consistent results anymore and it's pot luck whether he'll hold or break.

I've tried keeping him crated until the very last minute. Either he's focused or even more out of control. I've tried keeping him away from the other running dogs because it gets him worked up. Either he's focused or even more out of control. I've tried getting him to tug right up until we go into the ring. Either he's focused or even more out of control.

We're looking into getting a Thundershirt for Jack for his storm anxiety, and I'm wondering if (even though I really don't have the cash to be flinging around on experimental ideas at the moment) I should get one for Charlie and try it out for trials. But, again, Mr Inconsistent- I don't know if how tight it is would make him loose his marbles completely. Buuuut, idea, I might be able to borrow one off a friend of mine whose kelpie was about the same-ish size as Charlie and give it a test run. Do I smell a plan?

Can't hurt, anyway. I'm open to pretty much any ideas at the moments since I'm fresh out.

I have to remind myself that Zeke's still not even five months old yet. I describe him as "when he's good, he's really fucking good; when he's not good, he's bloody awful" and I think I've figured out that the not good moments are when he's being exactly what he is. A puppy with lots of energy who's able to find reinforcement in literally every single little sight around. So when he's not good, he's actually still good because that's what he is at the moment. And when he's good, I'm super lucky because that- far from being the baseline of what he "should" be capable of- is above and beyond that line. So really I should describe him as being either "good or absolutely fucking amazing- so amazing he'll knock your socks and shoes off". And when he's "not good" I need to not stress about it because, again- he ain't even five months old yet.

See that's my problem and why I am so, so hesitant about even considering starting down the path to becoming someone who trains other people's dog/other people to train their own dogs as either a sideline or main job. Because the thing I hate most about myself is my tendency to obsess over being perfect- and if there's even the slightest chance that something isn't going to end up perfect, even if I put in a hundred per cent of what I'm capable of, I would rather sit back and let the opportunity pass by without taking a shot at it.

And maybe that's another reason why I'm hesitant about looking at becoming a trainer.

Aaaaaaaah. Wrapped up in my own little head. I'm a bit messed up.

But anyway. What was I saying? Right: I tend to be a stress head about my dogs being "perfect" and doing things sooooo wonderfully and brilliantly and... perfectly, basically. With Charlie that meant I think I did too much and got too caught up in getting it right that I didn't let him have the crazy moments- it didn't help I was stressy over the fear aggression as well. And with Zeke I'm dangerously close to going down the other path and just not doing stuff with him or not progressing stuff with him (it's fucking ridiculous the amount of stuff that dog's had shaped that I haven't finished off/put a cue on/refined) because I'm worried about it not being exact.

What I have done with Zeke I'm bloody proud of. At ten weeks of age he had a solid sit and drop and I could run a lead out to, like, twenty metres- don't know if he could have done more because I didn't push it further... and I ran out of space for run, but anyway- without him moving a muscle. He's just the best student ever because he has so much natural enthusiasm and drive and he just can't get enough of learning- and after the mess I made with Charlie's puppyhood my main "goal" with Z is to just not kill that passion. And yeah, I'm kind of having a bit too much fun with my naughty dog who has no manners and never will have manners 'cause fuck mainstream- don't like my dog jumping on or running along the couch or doing zoomies around the living room, don't socialise with us. Simple as.

Maybe it's a good thing he doesn't have one hundred tricks under his belt... collar... already. Or maybe I should be doing more with him.

I don't know.

I've been feeling a bit uninspired with training the dogs lately, and it started with Charlie's last trial because I let myself get sucked into that "Screw it, clearly I can't do this so why am I even bothering". Which is bad, yes, and while I've clawed myself back in regards to Zeke I'm having so much trouble getting the motivation to work with Charlie. We had an awesome agility training session at class on Monday, which was followed by a very mediocre demo class on Tuesday night. He's meant to start back in obedience classes next year, but I don't know if I want to put myself through the stress and heartache of that again- try as I might, he just doesn't enjoy them, and I struggle to see the logic in doing something he needs so much external motivation to even try and do. But in addition to struggling to have the motivation, the things we really need to work on we don't have available whenever we want- really it's just once a week at agility and that's it. So there's that issue as well.

Zeke had a surprise graduation from OB1 on Wednesday- I say surprise because we only did the last four weeks of the six week class and although we can do everything included in the course I was under the impression I was only in that class as a filler until the next started. So now Zeke starts Rally One next Wednesday night and continues with week two of Obedience 1 this Saturday morning. We're special kids.

We're also in a tricks class on Tuesday nights which I'm thinking about subtly leaving only because I'm finding it a bit too... not pressured, per se, but not where I want to be right now, if that makes sense. It's going along with the taking things super slowly and making little leaps in progress with Zeke's training, and not being able to do that at my own pace because we need to be keeping up with what's being developed in the class. I don't know. It was meant to be just a temporary class until Zeke's a bit older when I'll shift him into puppy gym on Tuesday instead, but I'm wondering if I should change that and move a bit sooner.

I'm a bit all over the place at the moment- if that wasn't more than obvious from this even more disjointed than usual post.